Chapter 14: The Job Interview That Turned Into a Fashion Emergency
After the DJ disaster, I decided:
"Kelvin, focus on your career. Leave women and speakers alone."
So when I finally landed a job interview at a fancy company, I was READY.
This was my chance to upgrade from sachet water to bottled water life!
The night before, Auntie Vida insisted I wear her "lucky outfit."
She said,
> "This suit helped your cousin Kwame get his visa to Italy!"
What she didn't tell me was that Kwame went to Italy... in 1998.
The suit was ancient.
And three sizes too small.
But desperate people make desperate decisions.
I squeezed into it like toothpaste being forced back into the tube.
When I arrived at the office, I noticed the receptionist giving me strange looks.
I thought maybe she was admiring my ambition.
Nope.
Halfway into waiting, I heard a loud RIP sound.
The trousers had betrayed me.
Right in the middle.
Right where dreams die.
I tried to cover it with my file, but every time I moved, the hole got bigger.
Finally, the HR lady called me in.
I stood up slowly... and heard another RIP.
By the time I entered her office, I was basically wearing an open curtain around my waist.
The HR lady blinked three times, trying to process what she was seeing.
I tried to act normal.
She said,
> "Why should we hire you?"
I said,
> "Because I adapt easily to challenging environments."
She nodded slowly... and typed something into her laptop.
(I think it was "Security, please come.")
Needless to say...
I did not get the job.
But I did get escorted out—very politely.