Chapter 18: My One Line in a Church Play That Ruined Everything
After the wedding buffet massacre, I said:
"Kelvin, you are a man of destiny. Maybe you belong on stage."
So when the church drama team needed volunteers for the Easter play, I jumped at the chance.
They gave me a simple role:
Play the Roman soldier. Walk confidently onto stage. Point dramatically at Jesus. Shout one line:
"Arrest Him!"
That's it.
One line.
Three words.
I rehearsed it all week.
In the bathroom.
On the bus.
Even in my dreams.
The night of the play came.
The church was packed.
Lights everywhere.
Cameras ready.
Children dressed like sheep and angels.
My big moment arrived.
I marched onto stage, chest out, confidence at 300%.
I pointed at the actor playing Jesus.
I opened my mouth...
...and completely blanked.
My brain switched off like ECG during a thunderstorm.
The crowd stared.
The pastor stared.
Even the angel kids paused mid-harp-playing.
Panic took over.
Instead of shouting "Arrest Him!"
I screamed:
"CONGRATULATIONS!!"
Dead silence.
Jesus, confused, smiled awkwardly.
One of the sheep tripped and fell sideways.
The play collapsed faster than my last relationship.
Later, the drama director said:
"Kelvin, you just congratulated the Son of God for being arrested. We'll be in touch."
They never touched me again.