Chapter 25: My Fitness TikTok That Ended in an Ambulance Ride
After the dating disaster, I said:
"Kelvin, it's time to rebrand. New body, new life!"
Fitness TikTok was blowing up.
People were doing squats, push-ups, and cartwheels — all while getting millions of views.
I thought:
"If they can do it, why not me?"
So, I grabbed my phone, tied a headband around my forehead like Rambo, and shouted:
"Day 1 of turning this bread body into a six-pack bakery!"
My first challenge:
100 Jumping Jacks.
Simple.
I set up the camera.
Pressed record.
Started jumping like a man possessed.
Jump, jump, jump.
By Jump #17, I realized:
My lungs were on fire. My knees were filing for divorce. My heart was drumming faster than Shatta Wale's beat.
Still, I pushed on — for the fans I didn't have yet.
By Jump #42, disaster struck.
I tripped over my own slippers, tumbled backward, and crashed straight into a glass table.
SMASH!
The neighbors heard the noise and rushed in.
Next thing I knew, an ambulance was on the way —
— and my TikTok video caught every single second.
The paramedics kept asking:
"Sir, how did this happen?"
I said:
"I was chasing fitness, but fitness ran faster."
The video went viral.
Again.
Comments flew in:
"Bro invented parkour by accident.""He said fitness but got finito.""This guy's body is breaking world records — and tables!"
I survived,
But now my fitness journey only involves stretching my arms... to grab meat pies.