Chapter 20: Auntie Akos Comes to Town
Just when I was recovering from the "Assemblyman Invasion," I got a phone call that sent shivers down my spine.
It was from my mother.
She didn't even say hello.
"Samuel, your Auntie Akos is in Accra. She said she's coming to stay with you for one week."
Pause. Rewind. Play again.
"Stay?"
"With me?"
"In this room that looks like post-war battlefield??"
Before I could explain that my room wasn't fit for humans, goats, or Wi-Fi, my mum hung up with the speed of light.
Three hours later, I heard a knock on the door.
I opened it slowly, like someone defusing a bomb.
And there she was — Auntie Akos — wearing full traditional cloth, handbag under her arm like a minister's wife, and a facial expression that said:
"I'm judging everything."
She didn't hug me.
She didn't smile.
She looked around the room and asked:
"Ei... Samuel, this be where you dey live? Or this be your storeroom?"
I chuckled nervously.
"It's cozy."
She entered like royalty, sat on my mattress (which made a suspicious "squish" sound from leftover flood moisture), and started giving orders like she owned the place.
"Open the window. Close the curtain. Bring me water. Sweep this corner. Is that your bathroom or a crime scene?"
In 15 minutes, my own room didn't belong to me anymore.
She opened my fridge (which only had a sachet of water, ketchup, and half a tomato) and sighed.
"So you're starving and still sending motivational quotes to people? Samuel, get serious!"
I couldn't argue.
I just stood there like a child who had failed all his BECE subjects.
Then she pulled out her own pillow and blanket from her bag.
"I came prepared. I don't like city dust."
City dust??
Auntie, we're in Kasoa, not Dubai.
As night fell, I made the mistake of turning on my Bluetooth speaker.
She squinted.
"Are you trying to call demons? What is this noise? Is it music or microwave problems?"
She turned it off.
And turned off the light.
At 8:05pm.
I lay there in the dark, listening to her snore like a faulty generator, wondering how my life spiraled into a full-blown sitcom.
End of Chapter 20