— Where heavenly athletes battle in events no one expected, and the only rule is… there are no serious rules.
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Part 1: Welcome to the Cultivation Olympics!
Wei Yun and the crew arrived at a floating colosseum the size of a small realm, suspended in the clouds by four golden dragons doing eternal backstrokes.
An announcer's voice thundered across the skies:
> "LADIES, GENTLEMEN, SPIRIT BEASTS AND ELDERLY NASCENT GRANDPAS! WELCOME… TO THE CULTIVATION OLYMPICS!"
Fireworks exploded. A literal phoenix danced the Gangnam Style in mid-air.
Tang Zhi blinked. "Did... did that phoenix just twerk?"
Pan-Pan was too busy setting up a popcorn stand. "Gotta eat while watching divine nonsense."
A floating scroll appeared before them.
> [Participants: Team Dao Defiance]
[Event 1: Sky-High Pillow Fight]
[Event 2: Lightning-Fast Tea Brewing]
[Event 3: Realm-Jumping Hopscotch]
[Event 4: Tug-of-War with a Black Hole]
[Event 5: Surprise Team Event – ???]
Mu Yao sighed. "We're about to lose every remaining shred of dignity, aren't we?"
Wei Yun: "Who said we had any?"
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Part 2: Event 1 – Sky-High Pillow Fight
Thousands of contestants soared into the sky, each wielding oversized spiritual pillows blessed by the Heavenly Seamstress of Fluff.
A referee with a goat's head blew a horn. "BEGIN!"
Wei Yun was immediately bombarded by a cultivator from the Snuggle Sect, wielding a dual-wield pillow combo technique.
He retaliated with:
Skill: Iron Body of Deflection!
The pillow bounced harmlessly off his abs.
Wei Yun then yeeted a pillow so hard, a Nascent Soul cultivator spun out into another realm.
Tang Zhi screamed while riding a goose and hitting people with a pillow infused with lightning.
Mu Yao… just casually knocked out 27 people with a single cold glare and one swing of a cursed body pillow.
Pan-Pan? He summoned a Spatula-Form pillow that whacked people senseless while serving them cookies.
At the end, a scoreboard formed:
> 1st Place: Team Dao Defiance
MVP: Goose-Riding Tang Zhi ("I REGRET NOTHING!")
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Part 3: Event 2 – Lightning-Fast Tea Brewing
This was serious business.
A grandmaster teapot hovered in midair. Ingredients fell like rain. Time limit: 30 seconds.
Mu Yao stepped up. Her opponent? A monk with a tea beard that whistled in the wind.
The monk smirked. "I have steeped since birth."
Mu Yao stared coldly. "Cool. I boiled water in the womb."
The match began.
Both moved at blinding speed—leaves fluttered, water hissed, flames danced.
Wei Yun tried to blink but nearly passed out from the aroma. "Is that… Dao of Jasmine?"
Mu Yao infused her tea with Frozen Petal Serenity Essence and served it with one hand behind her back.
The judges sipped. Their souls literally left their bodies to weep.
Result:
> Winner: Mu Yao
Comment: "Transcended time, taste, and trauma."
Tang Zhi: "Remind me to never drink her tea. I like my insides solid."
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Part 4: Event 3 – Realm-Jumping Hopscotch
Each square led to a different realm. One wrong jump, and boom—you're singing opera in the Demon Realm.
Contestants hesitated. But not Wei Yun.
He cracked his knuckles. "I once dodged an old man's flying cane in twelve dimensions. I was born for this."
The first few jumps were easy—Cloud Realm, Fog Realm, Mildly Damp Realm.
Then came a square marked "DOOM."
Wei Yun jumped.
Time paused.
He vanished.
Three seconds later, he reappeared, slightly smoking, his clothes half burned, holding a demon skull.
Mu Yao: "Did you just loot someone mid-jump?"
Wei Yun: "I multitask."
Final square: The Puppy Realm.
He landed, was swarmed by spirit puppies, and barely escaped with his belt intact.
Result:
> Winner: Wei Yun
MVP Quote: "Those puppies had fangs."
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Part 5: Event 4 – Tug-of-War with a Black Hole
Two teams. One rope. One artificial mini black hole at the center.
The crowd screamed.
Commentator: "THIS IS NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE, WHICH IS WHY WE LOVE IT!"
Team Dao Defiance lined up: Wei Yun, Mu Yao, Tang Zhi, Pan-Pan (with a meat skewer in mouth), and a random goose that refused to leave.
The opposing team? The "Cult of Overcompensation," all shirtless muscle bros glowing with buffing talismans.
First pull—Dao Defiance was nearly flung in.
Then Wei Yun activated:
Technique: Reverse Gravity Grip!
Pan-Pan threw pork buns as bait. The goose flapped so hard it created wind pressure.
Mu Yao stepped in, whispered "No" to the universe, and the black hole shivered.
They pulled.
They pulled.
Then... the rope snapped. The black hole hiccuped and spat the enemy team into the upper atmosphere.
Victory.
Crowd: "DAO DEFIANCE! DAO DEFIANCE!"
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Part 6: Event 5 – ??? (Surprise Team Event)
Suddenly, lights dimmed.
A massive stage rose. At the center: a karaoke setup.
System announced:
> [Final Challenge: Perform a group performance to stir the hearts of 99 Spirit Emperors.]
Everyone blinked.
Wei Yun: "We're doing karaoke now?!"
Mu Yao cracked her knuckles. "...I'm picking the song."
Tang Zhi screamed. "YES! IT'S TIME!"
Pan-Pan summoned a keyboard made of bread.
The song? A remix of "Dao of My Heart," a romantic ballad sung in five elemental languages.
Mu Yao rapped in Ice Dao.
Tang Zhi danced like a caffeinated squirrel.
Pan-Pan soloed on meat flute.
Wei Yun reluctantly sang the chorus.
Result?
99 Spirit Emperors cried.
One even ascended.
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End Results
> Winners of the Cultivation Olympics: DAO DEFIANCE!
Reward: The Golden Spirit Flag of Ridiculous Glory (Grants +20% comedy damage.)
System Update:
> [You have officially become the Mascots of Madness in the 9,999 Realms.]
[Side Effect: Ridiculous situations will now seek you out.]
Wei Yun: "Oh great. We're fate's favorite fools now."
Tang Zhi: "I REGRET NOTHING!"
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To Be Continued in Chapter 28: