In a grimy city buried beneath neon lights, smog, and a crippling rent crisis, there lived a man. A man feared not because he was strong, but because he was... cheap. Known only as "Slash-50," he was a local downgrade assassin-for-hire who took payment in used anime figurines, expired Pocky, and half a Crunchyroll subscription. His motto?
"Why charge ten grand when you can charge ten bucks and a good ramen cup?"
When he wasn't making bad life choices involving rusty knives and unpaid bounties, our bargain-bin Hitman—real name unknown—was a hopeless otaku. On one fateful off day, he decided to undergo the ultimate weeb challenge:
"I will binge watch AND read every Marvel movie, show, and comic ever created… in one sitting… with no food… no water… no bathroom breaks."
Spoiler alert: He died.
Right as Tony Stark snapped his fingers in Endgame, our discount death dealer passed out mid-fist pump and face-planted into a pile of worn-out manga.
But death, as it turns out, was just the prologue.
He awoke in complete darkness—a void so black it made his goth phase look like Disneyland.
"Great. Either I'm dead or stuck in a Hot Topic storage closet."
Then it appeared.
[DING!]
A floating blue screen materialized in front of him like a Windows XP error box from the afterlife.
[Do you want to live again?]
With all the grace of a Reddit troll, he smirked and muttered, "Only if I get plot armor and a hot waifu."
[Are you willing to do anything for it?]
He raised an eyebrow. "Anything? …Okay, anything except selling my body. Unless you're a hot waifu. Then we can negotiate."
The screen flickered, pausing dramatically.
[Confirmed. You shall be my student. You will inherit my legacy. Become the next Assassin God.]
[You will now assume the identity of Alexander Connors, a 16-year-old lowlife son of Dr. Curtis Connors in the Marvel Universe.]
Before he could scream "Wait—what the f—," he felt his soul pulled like spaghetti into a meat grinder made of nostalgia, sarcasm, and trauma.
Location: Marvel Universe – New York City – Earth-199999
He awoke groggily in a messy teenage bedroom that smelled like Axe, old Hot Pockets, and unresolved trauma. A cracked mirror stared back at him, revealing a pale-skinned teen with unruly hair and dark circles.
"So this is puberty, huh? I liked it better when I was a corpse."
Memories that weren't his flashed through his mind. His new name was Alexander Connors, the neglected son of Dr. Curtis Connors, who—according to Marvel lore—was about five seconds away from turning himself into a giant freaking lizard.
"Yay. My dad's a wannabe Godzilla with a PhD."
[DING!]
The familiar blue screen popped up like a DM from fate.
[Welcome, Alexander. Initiating the Assassin/Mercenary System.]
[This system grants access to the weapons, tools, and abilities of assassins and mercenaries from across fictional universes.]
[First Quest: Kill Dr. Curtis Connors before he becomes the Lizard.][Bonus Objective: Inject the Lizard Serum into yourself.][Reward: High-Frequency Blade (Metal Gear Solid).]
"W-Wait. You want me to kill my dad? I just got here! I haven't even filed my superhero tax returns!"
He paused.
"Also… Did you say Metal Gear? Snake's blade? …Alright. Morals are now officially optional."
Suddenly, loud thumps echoed from downstairs. His dad was pacing in the lab, muttering something about "regeneration," "evolution," and "my arm deserves rights!"
Alexander grinned.
"Looks like it's Lizard-Man Begins downstairs."
He opened a nearby closet and was pleasantly surprised to find a starter pack from the system:
A basic stealth suit that looked like something from Watch Dogs
A Glock (unbranded, of course)
A flip phone with Snake installed (classic!)
And a vial labeled "Anime Protagonist Blood Sample – Limited Use"
"Okay. This is either a dream, a fanfic, or a new type of isekai where I get PTSD instead of a harem."
He grabbed the suit and smirked.
"Time to stop my dad from turning into a lizard. And maybe stop myself from turning into Deadpool without the skin disease."
[TO BE CONTINUED…]