The next morning, I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing like an angry swarm of robotic bees. Groggily, I swatted at it, finally managing to silence the alarm. Then I noticed the notifications. Hundreds of them.
『Ding! You've gained 10,000 followers! You've unlocked 'Slightly Less Pathetic Villainy' (Tier 2) and 1,000 Credits!』
『'Lavender Lullaby Lout' trending on NeoVeridiaNet!』
『SparkleFan77 has sent you another 100 Credits! Comment: 'You and the kitty were so cute! Do you have a name for him?'』
My jaw dropped. Ten thousand followers? For… for that? My disastrous attempt at petty theft and accidental arson had somehow turned me into an internet sensation. I opened NeoVeridiaNet, the city's equivalent of… well, everything. News, social media, cat videos, hero gossip, villain smack talk – it was all there, crammed into one chaotic platform.
And right at the top, sandwiched between a breaking news story about Stellar Sentinel thwarting a bank robbery and a video of a pug riding a skateboard, was a clip of my… escapade.
It was titled: "Lavender Lout and the Fiery Feline: NeoVeridia's Newest (and Most Adorable?) Menace?"
The comments section was a whirlwind of confusion, amusement, and a surprising amount of… affection?
[SparkleFan77: OMG he's actually kinda cute when he's not trying to be evil!]
[ShadowSlayer69: This guy is a joke. Real villains don't rescue cats, they use them as hostages!]
[NeonKnightmare: I don't know, there's something endearingly pathetic about him. Like a puppy trying to be a werewolf.]
[StellarSentinelFanClub: Stellar was so nice to him! Maybe he can be reformed? #LavenderRedemptionArc]
I scrolled through the comments, my brain struggling to process the sheer absurdity of it all. I was supposed to be striking fear into the hearts of NeoVeridia, not inspiring fan art and shipping wars.
The Malice Media System chimed in, its voice dripping with digital glee.
『Engagement is at an all-time high! You are exceeding projected growth by 400%! Recommendation: Capitalize on this momentum with another stream tonight!』
"Capitalize?" I muttered, rubbing my temples. "I don't even know what I'm doing!"
But the System was relentless. It bombarded me with suggestions: upgrade my gear, plan a more elaborate "crime" (it put that in air quotes, the little digital snark), interact with my fans.
Reluctantly, I decided to check my "Credits" balance. Apparently, I'd earned enough from the stream and donations to actually buy something useful. The System helpfully provided a list of… well, villainous gadgets. Most of them were way out of my price range, but one item caught my eye: a "Voice Modulator (Basic)."
"Maybe if I sound more intimidating, people will take me seriously," I reasoned.
That evening, I set up my streaming rig in my cramped apartment – a single room above a noodle bar, which perpetually smelled of soy sauce and regret. I dusted off my motorcycle helmet, attached the camera, and fired up the Malice Media System.
『Welcome back, budding bad guy! Your adoring public awaits!』
"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. "Let's try this again, shall we?"
I activated the Voice Modulator, and my voice deepened into a gravelly rumble that sounded vaguely like a constipated bear. It was… definitely an improvement.
"Citizens of NeoVeridia!" I declared, trying to sound menacing. "Tonight, I shall unleash… the terror of the Tuesday Night Takeout!"
My plan was simple (and, in hindsight, incredibly stupid). I was going to "steal" everyone's takeout orders from the noodle bar downstairs. I'd hold the food hostage, demand… something, and then dramatically return it, proving my… my… chaotic good-ness? My villainous… charm? I hadn't really thought that part through.
The stream started, and the viewer count began to climb. People were clearly curious to see what the Lavender Lout would do next.
I crept downstairs, trying to avoid the gaze of Mr. Chen, the noodle bar owner, who was a surprisingly intimidating man with a cleaver and a glare that could curdle milk. I managed to snag a few bags of noodles and dumplings, my heart pounding in my chest. This was it! My first real act of… well, not real villainy, but definitely something that would get people talking.
Just as I was about to make my grand announcement, a figure dropped from the ceiling, landing gracefully between me and the door. She was tall and slender, clad in a sleek black suit with glowing blue accents. Her face was hidden behind a high-tech mask, but her voice, when she spoke, was smooth and cool.
"Going somewhere, takeout thief?"
It was Nightshade, one of NeoVeridia's top-ranked stealth heroes. And she looked… amused?
『Alert! High-level heroic presence detected. Probability of severe humiliation: 98%.』
The Malice Media System was not helping my confidence.
"Uh… I can explain?" I stammered, clutching the bags of noodles.
Nightshade tilted her head. "I'm all ears. Though I suspect 'I was really hungry' won't cut it."
My viewers, meanwhile, were going wild.
[NeonKnightmare: OMG Nightshade and Lavender Lout?! Crossover event of the century!]
[SparkleFan77: He looks so flustered! It's adorable! (But seriously, Nightshade, be nice to him!)]
[ShadowSlayer69: He's gonna get wrecked. This is hilarious.]
This was not going according to plan. Not even a little bit.