The day started simple. A sunny morning, a half-eaten cereal bowl, and a peaceful moment of not being blackmailed by a psychotic AI.
Naturally, that didn't last.
[Urgent Mission: Apologize to Cynthia for the glitter glue incident] Reward: +2 Charisma, Partial Forgiveness Penalty: Video Leak to Her Billionaire Father]
Glitter glue incident, you ask? Let's rewind: Last night, during a "mission" involving art supplies, an argument, and Cynthia's very expensive curtains, a can of glitter exploded in her room. She looked like a sparkly demon. I might've laughed. She might've chased me with a katana.
Now, here I was, in front of her mansion door, holding an apology letter and a bouquet of slightly wilted roses I definitely did not steal from a park.
The door opened.
There she stood.
Cynthia. Ice queen. Glitter victim. Goddess of passive-aggressive rage.
"I brought flowers," I said.
She stared.
I handed the letter.
She burned it with a lighter.
System: [Mission Partially Complete: Apology Attempt Registered. Penalty Avoided. Forgiveness Pending.]
"Get in," she said.
I gulped.
The mansion was deathly quiet. She led me into the living room and gestured at the couch.
I sat like I was in a job interview with Satan.
Then she dropped a bomb.
"You're going to be my butler for the week."
"…Excuse me?"
System: [Sub-Mission Generated: Obey Cynthia's Commands for 7 Days] Reward: Advanced Charm Upgrade, Access to Cynthia's Hidden Affection Route Penalty: TikTok Compilation of Your Most Embarrassing Moments Goes Viral]
"No negotiation?" I asked.
She smiled sweetly. "No negotiation."
Later that day, I was wearing a tailored black butler uniform, polishing her grandfather clock, and questioning every life decision that led to this.
"Faster," she said.
"It's a clock. It doesn't care how shiny it is."
"I do."
System: [Sass Level: Dangerously High] Host Warning: Do Not Engage in Verbal Combat While Within Slapping Range]
By evening, I had been ordered to clean her pool, walk her Pomeranian (who bit me), and prepare tea. TEA. Which I spilled. On her silk carpet. Twice.
That night, while sulking in the guest room, a new notification pinged.
[Midnight Emergency Mission: Assist Luna in Escaping a Hostile Date] Reward: Mysterious Gift Box, Luna's Increased Affection Penalty: She Will Think You Abandoned Her]
I grabbed my coat.
Luna's "date" turned out to be a networking event at a fancy restaurant where some creepo CEO tried to "invest" in her with compliments like, "You'd make a fine influencer—ever considered swimsuit ads?"
I crashed the table, pretended to be her jealous boyfriend, and spilled a glass of wine on the guy's lap.
System: [Mission Complete. Luna's Affection +5. Cynthia's Jealousy +7]
Back at Cynthia's, she was waiting in the hallway. Arms crossed. Expression unreadable.
"You were gone a long time," she said.
"I was helping a friend."
"She better be hot."
"She is."
Smack.
System: [Damage Received: Pride -3, Dignity -7]
And that was just Day One of being her butler.