System: [New Mission: Work a Full Day at a Maid Café – In Costume – Without Getting Fired or Slapped] Reward: "Moe Aura" Passive Skill – Slight Boost to All Social Interactions in Cosplay Penalty: Embarrassing Photo Goes Viral With the Caption 'REAL MEN WEAR APRONS']
Me: "…I hate everything."
The moment I saw the café sign — "MoeMoe Sparkle Paradise!" — I knew I had lost control of my life.
Akira cackled beside me, already halfway into a butler uniform. "Dude, you're going full maid. Embrace the lace."
I clutched the frilly black-and-white outfit the manager handed me. "There has to be a clause in the system contract against dignity murder."
System: [Dignity Is A Social Construct. Lace Is Eternal.]
Great. Even my System's a sadist.
"Come on, Master Ethan," Luna teased from behind the counter. She was already dressed in a way too authentic maid outfit—lace, bells, and all.
Nari and Cynthia were somehow also hired "last minute" and looked both amused and ready to blackmail me for eternity.
Cynthia smirked. "Lose a bet?"
"More like a bet with fate," I muttered, yanking the skirt on and avoiding eye contact with my own reflection.
Our first customer was a middle-aged man in a fedora who winked way too much.
"Serve him with a smile!" the manager chirped.
I slammed his omurice down. "Here's your egg, sir."
System: [Warning: Host's Tone Is Below Acceptable Maid Levels. Please Say 'Onii-sama' At Least Once.]
"What?! No!"
System: [Penalty Countdown Initiated: Viral Embarrassment In 10… 9…]
"O-ONII-SAMA," I squeaked, horrified.
The customer looked thrilled. I died inside.
Akira was thriving.
"Order up for Table 3! I did a little latte art! It's a cat with abs!"
"You drew a six-pack on foam?"
"Artistry is pain, bro."
Meanwhile, Cynthia purposely handed me the broken tray every time. "Oops. Must be a maid curse."
I spilled three drinks and dropped a cupcake on a child's head.
Luna was too busy enjoying the chaos. "You should wear this more often. Brings out your inner blush."
The manager approached. "You're not fired… but we need you to attract more customers."
"Like how?" I asked, already fearing the answer.
"Dance routine!"
System: [Mandatory Mission Sub-Event: Dance The 'MoeMoe Kyun' Song In Front Of The Café. Livestreamed.] Bonus Reward: +3 Charm. Penalty: Local News Coverage If You Refuse.]
I wanted to run. I wanted to die. Instead, I got on the street corner, dressed in full maid garb, and danced.
Cynthia filmed it. Nari provided commentary. Akira waved a sign saying "OUR MAID HAS MAD MOVES."
The crowd grew. Tourists gathered. Someone tipped me $100.
System: [Mission: Cleared. Moe Aura Acquired. Dignity: -60%]
Back inside, the manager patted me on the back. "You're a natural."
"I feel dead inside."
"You'll feel even more dead on rush hour. Get back out there, Maid Ethan."
Luna leaned over, whispering, "You know, this might be the best day I've ever had."
"Remind me to remove your batteries later."
She winked. "You'll have to catch me first, Onii-sama~"